Thursday, November 30, 2006

So in order to escape the air of depression that insists on following me around, I resorted to shopping..Yes what else. Girls, please do yourselves a favour and shop.Seriously year end sales are so worth it. But I had to keep telling myself I would be in Bangkok next week, which equals to shopping galore..So I kept the shopping the the bare essentials. Yeah rite.

I am standing by my label as the resident Relationship Laughing Buddha. You won't believe the amt of friends who have gotten attached this year. *Ponders* Maybe I should set up a booth along Tekka ah? Hahahaa..

Okie this post has been totally useless..I cant seem to blog what I really feel and that sucks. Actually I dont really know what I'm feeling.I have this myriad of emotions going on inside.And not being able to let ppl know how one feels totally blows. Hopefully I'd sort all this shit out by Bangkok next week.

I understand you want a tour of what's inside
Be my safety guide before I take you on this ride
Straight into the center
You enter my dimension
No question is protection
Selected in my session
I'm on a quest
I will not rest till I break it
I gotta get mine and you gotta get yours
But never endin it by sendin it and shut the door
You must be crazy to think
That you can hang with me
I try to escape the inprisonment of those defyin' to me
The epitome of your every dream it seems to me
For intangible fantasy
You know what I mean


Saturday, November 25, 2006

What people keep saying to me when they know I'm single: "Your prince is on his way"

What I say to shut them up:
"Right, I'm sure he was on his way but a truck hit him."


Hahhahahahhaa..All you happy couples should just be that way.Happy in your own lil cocoon of togetherness. Do not start annoying me by trying to fix me up with the rejects of the world. I am NOT some sad despo, though my haters would beg to differ. And do not start saying stuff like "Everyone needs to find someone to settle down with" or "You will be so much happier when you are with someone you love"

Elllooo?? You can be happy 'settling' k? I do not want to 'settle'. I want to earn big bucks, travel, explore cultures and provide for my family. I didnt study and graduate to 'settle' with some 3rd party loser who would probably cheat on me in the near future. Okay..That might have been tad stereotypical of me..But can you blame me? I have been surrounded by ppl and situations that have led me to lose hope in the sanctity of marriage. Hell, i've been approached by married men countless of times. How am I supposed to believe and trust again?

Then again..I've always been a big softie when it comes to love. I am the type who goes Awwww when I see couples happy in their own worlds. So it sucks for me to have transformed into this cynical person. But deep down I still want that prince. I'm such a contradiction. I know. If your head hurts just reading this and trying to understand, try being me.. *raises eyebrow*

"Nobody in my life has ever known me the way you do. Nobody in my life has ever made me feel as good as you do. You know me. You know everything about me. And when you leave me, you're going to leave the real me, the me nobody else has ever seen. That's who you're going to be rejecting. You're going to break my heart. I'm going to love you and you're going to leave. You always do. Not on purpose coz you have the right to leave. You've never promised to stay. That's the way it always is."


Sunday, November 19, 2006

Urgh..I've had a bad week. After a lonnnnng ass time I cried on Friday. Everything just got to me and I broke down in the office of all places. No it has nothing to do with men. Or the psycho ex. I just realised no matter how much I give..It will never be enough. No matter what I do, it will never be good enough. I starting doubting my self worth. I realised I was desperately seeking approval for my own life and that nobody seemed to be there for support. That Friday, I realised how very alone I am in this existence I hate to call my life.

I am without feeling. I am without emotion. I exist only to accomodate and please everyone around me. I built this wall around me I don't really care to break down. I have a burning desire to scream out loud. I don't really know whom i should direct my anger at. I don't know if anyone knows me at all. Will I actually cease to exist as Sumitha?

Different masks we all wear to hide our true and raw emotions when faced with situations we really don't wanna handle. The difference between friends and FRIENDS. The loneliness we feel when we are chosen over another. The absolute heart wrenching pain we feel when we are being compared to another. The question of why standards have to exist amongst human beings. The failure to accept a person as she is.

What do we do?

What should I do?

I have no fuckin clue.


Thursday, November 09, 2006

Bintan rocked!! Yesh it did!

I look extremely tired here..Catching a ferry after work is not fun.Don't ever do it. But I still like this pic coz you could see the joy on my face at the thought of spending 3 days with my lovelies being treated like royalty in Bintan. And we were, thanks to Joanne's dad.

What do 3 girls do once they reach their holiday resort with a 1GB memory card? Hahaha..They take photos till Japanese tourists take pity on them and offer to take the pics for them.

Joanne's idea..She even gave our feet initials.Notice how my red pedicures for all of us steal the show. And the attention away from our badly-in-need-of-a-pedicure feet.

We found this one spot after walking in the sun,along the beach for quite some time. Rocks+vegetation+nice glowing effect+3 girls=picture galore..Hehe.

We were quite sad to leave our lil own piece of paradise. Imagaine a bloody double story bungalow with 4 rooms and 3 bathrooms..All for 3 girls! We each had our own bathroom! Though we did end up sleeping on the same bed as we always do on holidays and chalets. We also went for a mangrove tour which sounds boring as hell..But was pretty interesting..We saw snakes and monkeys up close travelling in a lil boat with a very cheeky tour guide.

I can't wait for Bangkok in December! Yes..Seems a lil excessive right, all this travelling? But hey, we live once. And we're getting to this age where everyone's getting married and having kids.So I wanna have as many hols with my friends as possible before we have to face reality. *wistful smile*

Yawns..Have to go sleep.Work in the morning..


Thursday, November 02, 2006

There can only be one reason why I'm not blogging..

I got a freaking job laa!!

Hahhaaa.. Yeah started work at Panasonic last week..Its only for 3 mths but hey..Beats NOT having any source of income. Work's pretty hectic. Lots of system work. And I'm still adjusting to waking up at ungodly hours of the day and NOT being able to sleep in the afternoons..*smiles*

The only reason I am blogging now is coz I wouldn be getting a chance to blog during the weekend coz I'm heading for a Bintan getaway with the girls tml!! Yay..The beach..The massages..The seafood.. I can't freakin wait! So for a more substantial post check back again next week. I promise Bintan pics!!

*Waves hi to Ryan..I know you're reading! Hehe*

Much Love..