Sunday, November 19, 2006
Urgh..I've had a bad week. After a lonnnnng ass time I cried on Friday. Everything just got to me and I broke down in the office of all places. No it has nothing to do with men. Or the psycho ex. I just realised no matter how much I give..It will never be enough. No matter what I do, it will never be good enough. I starting doubting my self worth. I realised I was desperately seeking approval for my own life and that nobody seemed to be there for support. That Friday, I realised how very alone I am in this existence I hate to call my life. I am without feeling. I am without emotion. I exist only to accomodate and please everyone around me. I built this wall around me I don't really care to break down. I have a burning desire to scream out loud. I don't really know whom i should direct my anger at. I don't know if anyone knows me at all. Will I actually cease to exist as Sumitha? Different masks we all wear to hide our true and raw emotions when faced with situations we really don't wanna handle. The difference between friends and FRIENDS. The loneliness we feel when we are chosen over another. The absolute heart wrenching pain we feel when we are being compared to another. The question of why standards have to exist amongst human beings. The failure to accept a person as she is.What do we do?What should I do?I have no fuckin clue.Later...