Thursday, August 09, 2007
So dramatic no? Hehehe..But its true..When WILL I truly love this body? Think abt it, everyone hates some part of their body..You dont need to get me started on my body image issues. It scares me how much I think abt wanting the perfect body. I used to think my bulimic days were over..But I am ashamed and scared. I hate feeling this way. At least now Ive learned to accept how I am and not totally hate how I look. There were days I used to pinch my fats in the mirror and totally break down coz I felt so out of control and disgusted at myself for throwing up. Some days I feel like just giving up on eating healthy and just gorge myself silly at home. But I know I'll just end up sticking my finger down my throat,slumped over the toilet bowl after that. That's what I almost did today.. I went to the toilet with the sole intention of making myself puke.. But I looked at the toilet bowl and I looked at myself in the mirror and I said to myself..No..No more..I cant do this to myself anymore. And I walked out of the toilet. Coz nobody or nothing is worth this self destruction and this self hate..Later...
So dramatic no? Hehehe..But its true..When WILL I truly love this body? Think abt it, everyone hates some part of their body..You dont need to get me started on my body image issues. It scares me how much I think abt wanting the perfect body. I used to think my bulimic days were over..But I am ashamed and scared. I hate feeling this way. At least now Ive learned to accept how I am and not totally hate how I look. There were days I used to pinch my fats in the mirror and totally break down coz I felt so out of control and disgusted at myself for throwing up. Some days I feel like just giving up on eating healthy and just gorge myself silly at home. But I know I'll just end up sticking my finger down my throat,slumped over the toilet bowl after that.