Saturday, August 12, 2006

Can I just state that spontaneous-last minute clubbing absoultely ROCKS!!!

The Friday night girls are back in action..Though the circumstances that brought us to make the decision to club were not entirely happy ones..But we still had loads of fun! Though I doubt my friend R reads my blog..I still wanna say that it was awfully sweet of him to come all the way to Gotham and buy me my Long Island Tea..*happy smile*

Arrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh...OMGGGGGGGGGGG... *faints* I just saw my bleh self on tv..Shit..I though my dance would have been shown by now..Dammit..Now my sister can watch next week and make fun of me..*Wails* I look like crap laaaaaaaaaaaa..Orange and denim..Kadavulehhhh..

Okie back to the post..I am hungry..Mainly coz I havent eaten a proper meal in 3 days.. Why?? Coz I'm depressed and when I'm depressed I become slightly crazed..Past bad behaviour includes starvation,over exercising and the worst..Bulimia.. Yeap. I was bulimic..And the worst part about admitting that sometimes is the reaction some MFs give me..Like 'you were bulimic? Really? Then how come you didnt lose weight?" And these mofos are usually men.. It wasnt a particularly pleasant period of my life..I remember I was interning at Chan Bros..And I would eat lunch and then proceed to force myself to throw it all up. Hell yeah I lost weight..But once I sought help and stopped throwing up, the weight came back plus some..I've tried very hard to stop the cycle..But at times when I feel bloody low, I feel the only solution is to make myself puke..I know it sounds dumb, but I always felt a sense of calm when I came back from the toilet..As if my problems were also flushed away together with my food..

I have no clue why I'm blogging about this..I've only told a select few ppl abt this.. But it just feels right. Maybe coz I'm reaching out for help? Or I just want to know someone cares? Maybe I want ppl to understand how come I have so much weight loss issues? Maybe I want ppl to stop judging me based on how I look? Or assuming just because I'm not the perfect size I don't have feelings..

Ahh fuck..Its impossible to get through ppl sometimes.

I know I've been very emotional and ranty today..Sue me..I'm PMSing..